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Archive for March, 2008

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I’m really at a loss at the moment, just don’t know what to do, or what I can do …………. does that make any sense to anyone? I have been trying everything that I can but still nothing. I am now clutching at straws for symptoms, which by my temps there really isn’t any but since Saturday night I have been getting indigestion only at night time and having to vomit to get rid of it. I vomited Saturday night and again last night. I don’t have a temperature so don’t know whats going on but I am definitely getting anxious and annoyed that this donor thing isn’t getting me anywhere. I have an appointment to go back to my IVF doctor on the 9th of May so may continue dIUI with doctor or maybe IVF with donor, I am really torn about that one because when doing ICSI we can use My Man’s ‘goods’ which make embryo’s but then they don’t implant, what difference could donor ‘goods’ do? will they make a difference with implanting? I’m so confused ………..

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Conceding defeat

I’ve decided to definitely pull the pin on this cycle, don’t think I will continue with temping this month. What I do have to do is get me healthy. I really need to lose some weight because of my continuing back pain, the results of the CT scan showed that I have issues with my L4, L5 and S1.These are causing me a great deal of pain and I can only imagine how bad it will become if I fall pregnant. So off to the pool for me and walking the streets to get this weight off. Of course if I was to fall pregnant I wouldn’t be knocking it back but I think I will just think negative until the positive comes along all by herself without me doing my head in in the mean time.

I nearly had a meltdown at my mum’s today, had to leave before I burst into tears from frustration. I’m sure you girls have felt it before and will in the future but it goes like this.

My 18 year old nephew and is (skanky) 21 year old girlfriend have 2 kids together, Miss K 3 and Mr D 2, the problem is that they don’t look after them like normal parents who have children out of love, not just the baby bonus. For instance, up until about 2 months ago, my parents paid for everything the kids used when staying at their house. Might sound like normal great grand parents, but my nephew lives there and his girlfriend and the kids stay for weeks at a time! I mean not only food, nappies, diaper cream, clothes, everything. Now she and the kids have also moved in, this is a 3 bedroom house with both my parents, my 3 nephews, skanky girlfriend and 2 innocent kids. The father of the kids, my nephew, yells and screams abuse just about every night, not just at his girlfriend but everyone in the house. At one point Miss K asked my mum to get a gun to shoot her father! I get there today to find that the kids haven’t had a bath in like a week. If my mum says anything, she is told she is interfering. These people do not deserve children. I would even take them kids and let her keep the social security for being a single mum. I don’t care, but you know how much of a rift that would cause in the family. It just breaks my heart to see the kids treated this way. Imagine what will happen when they move into their own house. My nephew is out of control, I believe he may be smoking drugs and he has been known to hit his girlfriend even when pregnant. It made me so made today I was almost in tears and had to leave just hearing about it. I don’t know what to do, I know if I saw this on TV I would be yelling at it saying they should have done something sooner to protect those kids.

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2:48 am

That’s right, its Good Friday, 2:48am and I’m sitting at my computer. Why? I can’t sleep, I did go to bed at a reasonable time like 9.30pm, but the arching in my back is just keeping me awake now. Not to mention, My Man and I are not talking at the moment as I feel like I am being taken for granted. You know when you feel like you give 110% but the other half is doing only for themselves? Is it just me or do all relationships run like this. For example, in the house, what does your partner do? I tell you what my partner does ……………………… still thinking…………………. well I ask him to take the bins out for collection, but most times I end up doing it and sometimes just before the bin man comes at some God forsaken hour of the morning. I ask him to feed the dogs now that we have a third, but I end up doing that also …………………………….mmmmmm nothing else. I know I have probably made a rod for my own back by always doing everything but surely when you ask for help, it could come your way some of the time. After all he is not the only one that goes to work everyday. I have decided not to go out of my way for him or anyone else anymore. Do for myself, that’s it.

Now, ovulation, I don’t know what’s happened her but you can see from my chart (in the side bar) that my temp went up yesterday, I don’t know anything about my cycle this time around and think I will just write it off and see what happens in the next few months. As I have already said, I think I will go to a clinic and have dIUI soon, just waiting to get to see my doctor and all will be ago.

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Depressing

This is depressing, I pee’d on a stick again this morning and its positive again! And I’m not seeing our donor! Shit, this is over before it even started! Why did I bother this month? I wasn’t going to. SHIT

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The timers gone off

Hi all, just a little message to let you know that the opks have indicated that I am ovulating, the last 2 days (including today) has given me positives. Our donor came over tonight and we did an insemination however feel like most of it fell out! I used the syringe and then put in a Instead Cup, really don’t know if I am blocking them in or out, if that makes any sense?

Donor said to call him on Thursday night as he and My Man are going out, what about me and the egg meet sperm thing? Surely he realises that I need him tomorrow night as well? Wasn’t he the one that made a comment that we weren’t using him enough and them poof he’s gone?

I told My Man that I am over this, its not working, its time to move on, I really think we have to at least do donor IUI in a clinic and see how we go, I feel like I am banging my head against a wall. My Man agrees to try other things but the trouble with me is that I think too much about it and end up changing my mind because of time, money, work or all of the above. Time is running out and its now or never. Fuck work and money, we have to do this

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New way of thinking

I can’t believe that I am like CD12 and I haven’t ovulated like I have been since starting this donor thing. Before this I was a 14 day ovulator but all this changed in a heart beat. I didn’t test on Saturday and with the amount of pain killers I’m on maybe I missed all the signs? Could have happened. For a turn up for the books, our Donor was asking what was happening as well. I think that he doesn’t realise that after the first go when we got him 3 4-5 days in a row, whenever we call him since he has only been able to get here for 1 insemination. I have told him that unless I start to get a positive OPK then he will only be doing it for his enjoyment. As you may remember he has a girlfriend who knows nothing about this which is why it is hard to have him when we need him.

As we had started to talk about going to a clinic and or IVF, I’m thinking that I should really get serious about this (if I haven’t said that a million times already) and just lose some weight and be healthy before attempting it. with my weight creeping up which is probably why all my body parts are hurting, I really need to be off the anti inflammatory and pain killers to give it a good go. I would definitely have to be well and not on this pain killers when going through our medicals for adoption or they may think that I am not fit enough to care for a child.

Alot to think about, thats for sure. In the mean time, I’ll just have to wait to ovulate.

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Great News

My friend Linda and her husband have been contacted by DHS to let them know that they will be parents. Linda started her adoption route about 3 years ago now and was only approved in November 2007, so 4 months later and they have a baby girl. Her original name is Grace but they don’t know if they will keep her name as first or second name. She is 12 weeks old on Thursday the 13th March, and was approx 5lbs at birth, she is 11.5lbs now. We are going to have a baby shower for her this Sunday as she hasn’t got anything for the new bub and will be receiving her in about a week.

Such a lucky duck, and the bub is from my region too.

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