Time to chime the bells

Another new day or month has dawned.

Yesterday marked the arrival of the witch, named Aunt Flo. She is the most unwelcomeguest at many the homes but especially this one. So we continue to pop the pills and hope with all our hearts that maybe next month. Really how long can I go along in this denial that is my life, thinking that these pills will be the one thing to change everything? The one thing that can stop us from having to do IVF? Why don’t I just deal with this and realise that it is not going to happen naturally and save myself this heart break? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not getting depressed or anything, just waking up, all but slowly to the fact that no matter how many pills, how many white witch spells, no matter how many physic’s tell me about the kids I will have, it ain’t happening naturally. 

If I could just let this go, where would that take my life? My last waking moment won’t be spent thinking about what day it is, counting on my fingers how many days sine O. I life would be empty, just like it is now, except for D of course. What would all this life have been for if not to finally bring kids into this world. What lesson do I have to learn before it can finally happen, when can I us the term ‘family’ when talking about my home, instead of the word ‘couple’?